Two Narutos meet Canon
by Shadenight123
Summary: Crackfic while writing new (and serious) Narutoverse story. The Harsh Truth Naruto and The Real Monster Naruto appear, randomly, in Konoha. They then proceed to start wrecking havoc in a dimension that isn't theirs. Two/Three shot possible. Not to be taken seriously. Finished. (Harem Ending Route chosen!)
1. Arrival

Two Narutos from another dimension.

Konohagakure no Sato was peacefully resting in the afternoon's sun when two figures, clad in pretty distinctive garments, made their way through the main bustling street towards the Hokage's tower.

"I swear if this is a Genjutsu, I'm going to get someone's head on a spike," one of the two snarled. Dirty red and blond hair mixed together atop his head, while his cheeks were covered in black and white scales. A mantle with the kanji for sage stood flapping on his back, while he seemingly was wearing the Kage robes the same color as those of the Raikage.

The hat was under his arm, and the atmosphere around him was positively furious.

"Shut it. I'm the one who blames the Jubi." The other snapped. Grey hair and pure blue eyes, the resemblance with the Nidaime impossible to negate. He was donning blue colored plate armor, and the sword of the thunder god buzzed at his sight, sparking electricity around him as he walked. Above the armor stood the Hokage's mantle and hat and to that strange sight everyone actually stopped to stare.

Since the two seemed pretty keen on getting to the Hokage's tower, the Anbus were undecided on whether to intervene or wait and see how it would play off.

"Mah, Mah…" The lazy voice came from a silver haired shinobi that had just then gotten his three students out of the tower, with yet another boring D-rank mission.

"Sensei! It's just so unfair! I mean why must the super-cool me do these chores!?" Naruto's yell echoed through the street, only for Kakashi to roll his only visible eye.

"You baka!" Sakura screeched, hitting the boy on the head, "Sasuke-kun shouldn't be doing these things! You on the other hand should just quit being a shinobi altogether!"

The sudden increase in murderous intent reached a new height, as Kakashi himself found the need to lift up the sharingan and raise a kunai in defense of his students.

The two men in front of them were looking in a mixture of shock and anger at…the pink haired girl.

"Well, that rules it off as being a prank. Someone wants to die badly," Toruna commented drily, as the Nidaime no Sairai merely nodded back.

"I thought it could have been my daughter, but there aren't enough apples around to make it one of her trademark Genjutsus."

"So, how the hell did we get in here?" The black and white dressed shinobi asked the other, completely unfazed by the number of Anbus converging on the spot, or of Jounins reaching for the tower.

"I don't know, but you might have exaggerated with the chakra spike. I know you basically have nearly an entire Jubi in there, but was it necessary?" The grey haired man retorted, waving his right hand around them to display just the sheer number of ninjas that had them at kunai point. There were even the Jounin senseis, together with their students. All watching worriedly the scene.

"She was belittling us!" Toruna remarked, pointing at the trembling Sakura who was wide eyed and with tears in her eyes.

"She's a kid! From where I come from, she had the knack for jutsus," the Nidaime look-alike commented.

"Well, from where I come from, she got a scar following an encounter with missing-nins, and from there she pushed herself in becoming a medic-nin." Toruna replied smoothly.

"Anyway, you'd mind letting us go through?" They both commented towards Kakashi, "We have to see the Hokage."

"Ah…Well…he's…busy?" Kakashi tried with a light chuckle, his sharingan looking at the conjoint chakra of the two. That…that wasn't humanly possible.

"Hey you two bastards! Say sorry to Sakura-chan! You made her cry!" Naruto yelled, in his orange clad self.

"Did…Did he just yell?" Toruna muttered.

"Is he actually _dressed_ in orange? It's not a Genjutsu right? Is this some sort of misdirection thing?" The Nidaime retorted, "I mean, blue is so much better."

"No-uh, black and white, or camouflage green and brown is fashion." Toruna shook his head vividly while speaking.

"Ehm, excuse me…" Kakashi tried once more to enter the conversation, but the two seemed to be bickering among themselves now.

"I can't believe you claim blue is better than black and white! Just look at how stylish I am!"

"Stylish!? That makes you sound like a girl! I'd have said shinobi-like!"

"Orange rules you two morons!" Naruto screamed back at the two, offended they were offending his favorite color.

"Naruto, please…avoid antagonizing other shinobis," _especially if those are mad and powerful_, Kakashi's thought was cut off when both turned to point their fingers at Naruto, of all people.

"Oh please! At least _our_ colors blend with the environment somehow!" They both spoke in unison, before taking one more step forward towards the boy. Only for the Sandaime to actually appear in front of Naruto, and to that…both men froze.

"And what is going on here, gentlemen?"

Silence echoed in the clearing for a mere moment, before Toruna simply dispelled his Genjutsu around his face.

The Nidaime look alike instead applied a light coloring of his hair with a henge, and with that…

There was a collective gasp in the surrounding shinobi forces.

"Mi…Minato?" The Sandaime's question was soon added to another, coming from Kakashi.

"Minato-sensei?"

"The Yondaime?" Many murmurs reached through the crowd, before a double snort was heard.

"HELL NO!" they both crossed their arms in front of their chests, "We're NARUTO!"

That was when a certain shy Hyuga Heiress suddenly fell on the ground, sporting the most massive blood loss of the century. Anko suddenly licked her lips at the sight. Kurenai rolled her eyes at the antiques of two…kids. While Kiba opened his mouth but couldn't muster anything. Shino merely stood quiet.

Shikamaru sighed. Chouji munched down on food as usual. Ino had some sort of half predator-like smirk. Half the Anbus suddenly dreaded the possible increase in pranks.

The other half actually queried the truth of the statement.

"I am Naruto, adopted son of the Raikage of Kumo, A, known also as Toruna of the snakes, best tracker of the land of iron, snake sage trained by Hakuja Sennin himself, changer of the snake ways, Godaime Raikage of Kumogakure…at least, in my dimension…oh, and I'm also the Jinchuuriki of the Bijuus all except the eighth and the second…furthermore I have the Rinnegan…" Sheepishly, the Genjutsu on his eyes gave way to the circular pattern of the famous Doujutsu.

"I, on the other hand," the Nidaime look-alike spoke, "am Naruto Senju, Godaime Hokage of Konoha, SSS-rank threat, evacuate on sight, master of the water and wind release, Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, known in all of the elemental countries as the Nidaime no Sairai, the Ghost lance, the Frozen Wave, the Murasaki Hokage, the Blood stained Hokage, the slaughterer of Iwagakure and the bringer of peace across the elemental countries!" With that, the two hand-clapped each other, before turning to stare for a brief moment at the gaping crowd.

"And this is to all who claimed we had no potential! Take this!" Toruna did, indeed, 'flip the bird'.

The Nidaime no Sairai merely sighed, shaking his head before taking a step closer to Hiruzen.

"Well…that's pretty much it. Two Narutos from another dimension, double addition, triple the content!"

The cheesy smile and grin was enough, indeed, to send the remaining half population of Anbu on a screeching round. Some things were just…_not_ done.

"I…I think I'm going to take a vacation…" Hiruzen whispered, before taking his hat and handing it over to the Nidaime.

"Hokage-sama!" Ebisu exclaimed, only for both the grey haired shinobi and Hiruzen to turn at the same time.

"What?"

"Not you! Sandaime-sama! You can't be serious! They might be spies! They might be lying!" as Ebisu pointed that out, Hiruzen raised an eyebrow.

"If their resemblance to the fourth isn't enough, then do please notice they both have whisker marks? And if they both have the Kyuubi within them, then how the hell can they not be Naruto? _From another dimension_!? I'm going on a vacation. He's the new Godaime. Have fun!" Then the hat was hastily pressed into the hands of the Nidaime-Naruto, who sheepishly took it.

"So…_slaughterer_ of Iwa?" Kakashi was actually the first one to get himself back from the shock, the startle and the sudden disappearance in a flash of smoke of the Sandaime.

"Well…the Kyuubi's power isn't there only to flash red chakra, you know?" The Nidaime grinned at that, while Toruna rolled his eyes.

"Duh. Rinnegan and Shinra Tensei do pretty much the same thing… Wait, what day is it? I've got to go save this dimension's Kuro! How can I start my army of snakes if I don't save my friend!?" The next second, the man disappeared in a flash.

"Don't ask me," the Nidaime no Sairai replied, raising a hand to avoid the incoming barrage of question, "I still didn't get all of it from him, but it's enough to understand that it wasn't his fault or mine. So I'm letting it drop." Two hand symbols later, and ten Kage Bunshins sprung to life around the newly appointed Godaime.

"Go and fight paperwork, my minions! I'm having a nice, little, chat with the orange eyesore…" The Nidaime-Naruto commented, sporting a wicked grin, as the eyesore in question gulped down nervously.

"Hey! Well...I'm awesome 'ttebayo!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Hn! It's clear the dobe is still a dobe, no matter what dimension he's from," Sasuke commented, "I could defeat him in a moment."

"Dead." Naruto-Nidaime stated, his Raijin humming right next to the Uchiha's throat, "And by the way, I beat your arrogance out of you through twenty near-mortal sparring sessions. Trust me: I'll go through them again until you get back into a normal non-whiny and non-arrogant shape if I have a say in it."

"Sasuke-k…" Sakura was suddenly cut off by Toruna, having reappeared while…cooing a black snake.

"Got him! Now don't you worry a thing Bro! I'm getting you back to full health…a quick visit to the land of Waterfall and everything's going to be alright!"

"Ehm…could you remove the Raijin from my student's neck, please?" Kakashi queried with his usual laid-back attitude, albeit he kind of wanted to try that 'twenty near-mortal sparring sessions' thing. Maybe they could actually work?

"That just doesn't…" Sasuke didn't finish the sentence, as a sharp knee hit to the stomach sent him reeling on the ground.

"Dead again."

"That's…" A kick to the boy's side flung him against the wall of the Hokage's tower.

"And dead once more! Man it brings back the memories…call for a medic! Meanwhile," cracking his neck by moving it from side to side, "I'm going to talk with Naruto here about 'potential' and 'what he could be doing instead of being dressed in orange'."

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura screeched, moving towards her fallen teammate.

"I'd suggest starting her on medic-nin training," Toruna pointed out, having reappeared once more in a flash, before chuckling grimly. A moment later, he turned his gaze towards…Anko.

"Anko-Oneechan!"

The next second, the snake mistress was outright hugged by the man and made to spin around.

"Hey! Calm this shit down!" The woman shrieked visibly embarrassed.

"Hey look! It's Chouji! He's still alive!" The Nidaime, or better yet one of his Kage Bunshins, commented after appearing from a corner.

That did make some chips stick to the Akimichi's throat, turning him a light shade of green.

"Hey! Where's Yakumo?" Toruna queried, looking around, "She's not a part of the team? And where's…the bastard?" The snake sage shivered, just as the Kage Bunshin of the Nidaime did the same.

"Oh man, I feel you. Mine at least had an inkling of good in him."

"The bastard?" Kakashi queried, having forgotten about the D-rank mission, just like half of Konoha who was easily munching on pop-corn while looking at the rants of the two grown men…or the fact that the real Nidaime no Sairai had taken Naruto to a private spot to have a nice chat with him.

"The Yondaime, Minato Namikaze! He was a tyrant! Forced slavery seals on my poor self!" Toruna whined, only for the Nidaime to retort.

"Heck, he forced Anko-chan to marry me after ordering her on a long term seduction mission: and that without Danzo using his stolen Mangekyou sharingan to mentally control me."

Somehow, the Yami of shinobi was trying to tiptoe his way out of the village when he was ambushed by the real Nidaime no Sairai.

A head rolling later and Naruto was shell-shocked for life with the blood covering him head from toe.

"Good, now take this highly traumatic experience and get something completely different from the loud and brash knucklehead stereotype!" The real Nidaime-Naruto exclaimed, happily patting the boy's back.

And then the two simply disappeared in a flash of light.

**Shadenight123: That's the last time I have a plot bunny like this running in my head. **

**Plot bunny euthanized. (terminator like voice)**

**Moving on…hope you enjoy the crackfic, while I'm already working on the first chapter of 'The Twisted Reality' new upcoming Narutoverse fic.**


	2. Of life and death

Two Narutos from another dimension 2

Paperwork and Kage Bunshins solved each other nicely like sugar was soluble in water. That was, obviously, if the Kage Bunshins had the stern attitude to not let go of their jobs and start dilly dallying. Luckily they weren't alone in that endeavor, as a couple of Toruna's Bunshins were there to help out too.

"I say," commented Alpha, "That we could try and get ourselves even with the boss."

"Too much trouble: where did Epsilon go by the way?" Beta drawled out, stamping another document.

"He saw Ibiki and went nuts starting to explain torture systems." Delta muttered hotly.

"Ibiki? Is he a spy too in this place?" One of the Nidaime's Kage Bunshins queried, as the others stopped for a second to listen.

"Dunno. In ours he was a pretty okay guy." Omega shrugged, before returning to cooing a couple of eggs in a corner of the Kage's office, "Grow strong my precious."

"Is…Is he always like that?" Another Nidaime's Kage Bunshin asked with his head moving subtly in the Bunshin's direction.

"Oh…no, usually he's far worse." Alpha shrugged, before claiming a completed pile of paperwork and putting it in the 'out' box.

"Last pile!" The cheers that surrounded the office were heard even by the secretary, who had taken everything she had been told with stride and…well, they did kind of offer her a vacation too if she wanted.

The fact she was wearing a Hawaii shirt and was already ready to leave meant nothing of course.

Meanwhile, Naruto Uzumaki was starting to come to terms with the fact that apparently he was the Yondaime's son, he was Kushina Uzumaki's son, and the two apparently were screwed up bastards in the other two's dimensions. Not that it meant that they were the same in his, but still two out of three wasn't anything to be proud of. After having been told a bit of the past from both his other selves, he was a hell of a lot confused.

"Wait a moment: are you telling me that having screwed up parents makes one stronger?" At the blond haired kid's question, the other two Naruto stopped for a moment to ponder.

Then their eyes settled on Kakashi. Then they moved towards Sasuke. Then they thought about Itachi.

"It appears so." They replied in unison with a knowing nod.

Naruto actually shivered at that.

"Never been gladder I'm an orphan." He commented.

"Well, A is an okay father, and B is an awesome uncle, while C made for…" Toruna's comments made the Nidaime no Sairai whistle.

"I might say the alphabet makes a really bad family, you sure you're alright in the head? Tsunade-Kaasan was alright, until she kidnapped my daughters and held them away…sure it was to keep them safe from an invasion but nevertheless…"  
The heated glare forced the blood soaked Hokage to reconsider.

"Fine! Anyway…you're still covered in blood." The Nidaime said gesturing to the covered in blood, really this time, Naruto.

"Well…I'm trying to convince myself it's just paint, or that this is a Genjutsu you know," the boy replied with a small chuckle, "Because another self of me didn't just murder in cold blood someone for no reason, right?"

"Well…I kind of vivisected half Konoha's population," Toruna remarked with a bright smile. That made Kakashi shiver. That and Naruto stared at him with his mouth gaping.

"I thought they were evil guys! And I kind of never touched an Anbu…captain class. Below them I kind of played with everyone's organs!" It was the cheerful tone that made Kakashi start to take a couple of steps back, at the same time shielding his students, except Naruto because he could probably take it.

"Please. I'm called the slaughterer of Iwagakure because I destroyed the entire village, killing men, women, children…and then with my plans I ordered Itachi of all people to let the entire Kirigakure civilian population drown." The Nidaime no Sairai spoke next, rolling his eyes.

Naruto…He gulped down nervously. Were his other selves murderous bastards and bloody monsters? Was that 'his' potential too?

Sasuke took that moment to appear from the sideways, covered in bandages.

"I heard something about Itachi! So you knew him!?"

"Best friend!" The Nidaime replied with a cheerful grin.

"Only Uchiha I didn't kill." Toruna added thoughtfully with a knowing nod.

Sasuke's eyes bulged, before hotly yelling.

"Tell me where he is! I have to…"

The Nidaime hit him on the face with a punch, sending him on the ground once more.

"Dead. Can't defeat me can't defeat Itachi." Then, he grabbed the boy by the scruff of the neck, and 'offered' him to Toruna. "Want to try the game?"

"Beat the stick off the Uchiha? Nah, I killed mine in my dimension. Lazy bastard tried to backstab me after I defeated the entire Akatsuki: should have known better. I chopped him up and gave the fault to the Akatsuki...so I spared Itachi." The other replied.

"Hey!" Naruto finally snapped out of it, especially after seeing what the two had done to Sasuke, "Let him go!"

"Yeah! You two bakas! Let Sasuke-kun go!" Sakura added her two cents behind her sensei's shoulder, while Kakashi merely sighed.

"Now, now, what was I saying about leaving overpowered shinobi in peace and alone?" The copy-cat ninja's question hung in the air, before the two Narutos from another dimension nodded sagely.

"Yeah Kakashi-Oniisan, you were always the smart one from where we came from." Then the Nidaime added.

"My hair's grey and silver because of a dye you gave me."

"And we went poison hunting in the forest of death. Using Kage Bunshins to their _**full potential**_!" as Toruna practically roared that to the orange clad Naruto covered in dried blood, the blue eyed boy gulped once more before nervously chuckling.

"Yeah, really: what moron with Kage Bunshins wouldn't use one? Furthermore you know what? I think one could use the Shiki Fuin without killing oneself if used in conjunction with that." Toruna muttered, "I mean, it could be possible…you'd end up sealing your Kage Bunshin in the Shinigami's stomach in place of yourself!"

"…no." The Nidaime retorted, "That is just so _wrong_."

"Well, anyway…Can we go eat some ramen?" At Naruto's question, both Toruna and the Nidaime no Sairai looked to one another.

"Well…we ate healthy for a long while and had ramen as a treat…from what we heard around town." Toruna began.

"Because we can so multi task by using the Kage Bunshins to their FULL POTENTIAL!" the Nidaime said, before quickly adding, "Hey, it's kind of catchy to yell at him 'full potential' you know?"

"Hey! I got it alright!? I got it!" Naruto whined only for Toruna to finish the sentence.

"We came to know that you seem to be eating _only_ ramen. Which is why you're a shrimp, a weakling, the last link of the chain, some sort of parasite who graduated because of sheer luck and a spamming of a Jounin level technique."

"Yeah, I mean…Mizuki was butchered by Katsumi in my dimension, and she at least tapped into the Kyuubi's raw chakra." the Nidaime pointed out.

"IN mine I outright killed him for having harmed Anko-Oneechan with my Kuro Sen'eijashu, and then vivisected him." Toruna commented, "You had a sister called Katsumi too?"

"Yeah. Little bugger five years younger than me, calling me _Oniichan_ and all. Ended up in my Genin team, oh the fun we had: they defeated a corrupted politician in a cat fight over me...dreadful."

Kakashi's only eye narrowed in a deadpanned expression of 'are you kidding me?' before resuming his tactic of taking small steps backwards.

"Mine was my same age, had a fetish for me following Orochimaru's cursed mark and had Yandere tendencies just like her mother. Who I killed, but then she came back, and then she was kind of healed…"

"Kushina? She was kind of the weak link. In my dimension she became a missing nin following my plan to have the Yondaime killed. Considering even the Sandaime, Orochimaru and Akatsuki wanted his death during the chuunin exams…heck, even Iwagakure attacked on that day!"

"Iwa? Aw, all I got was to enter the fray on my awesomeness, with my Kumogakure forehead protector before starting a massive fight that ended with me faking my death by the hand of Suna's Jinchuuriki, have Kushina go on a mad rampage and nearly murder him and finally leave the village after having both Minato and Kushina condemned to prison while at the same time saving Konoha with the use of my final technique that reduced to ashes the Edo Tensei version of the Sandaime and of the other resurrected Hokages. The two then escaped from prison. Then they decided to remove the Kyuubi from me and place it in a new host trying to kill me in the process. All because of Danzo." He finished catching his breath quickly after the long rant.  
"Hum…I think I can top that, eventually." The Nidaime conclude, as his light blue eyes looked at the shocked faces of the people around them.

"Now that I think about it: Jiraiya taught me the rasengan, is he still around in your dimension?" Toruna queried.

"Dead sealing the Kyuubi in me and my sister," the Sairai replied.

"Ehm…please," Naruto begged, "Tell me that I'm not going to become a wicked backstabbing bastard that enjoys the blood of the innocents…I want to be Hokage to protect my precious people!"

"Wait a moment!" Sakura screeched, "You have the Kyuubi in you!?"

"Did she really find out now?" the other two Narutos retorted.

"Sakura-chan, please, it's not what you…" the original Naruto began to beg, only for the pink haired girl to run away scared, "Look what you did!" The boy yelled at the two.

"Meh." The two shrugged, "Doesn't matter." Toruna added.

"Yeah I mean: she's a flat board. You could have someone with more curves," the Nidaime pointed out, "Like Ayame, or Anko, or heck you could try with…"

"Sakura-chan is the only one for me!"

"Hey! Your call, it leaves us with far more women for us. I could try and get it on again with Shizuka…but since I'm not actually from here…there 'is' still Yugito-Oneechan. And…"

A set of giggles coming from a nearby alleyway forced two things to happen at the same time.

An entire army of snakes sprouted from Toruna's arms, while a wave of water departed the Nidaime no Sairai's hands. Both crashed into the alleyway, snuffing out the eavesdropper. That turned out to be none other than Jiraiya.

"Well, hello there!" The two men cheerfully, but wickedly smiled.

"Ehm… I can explain?"

"And then the two twin brothers began their luscious quest for the arms of their past lovers and sisters. Icha-Icha Double Pleasure Black Edition?" The Nidaime no Sairai commented looking at the sketches.

"He already wrote five chapters of this smut! How the hell did he do that in just two minutes!?"  
"I'm the great toad Sage Jiraiya! I am…"

"Ero-sannin." The three Naruto deadpanned at the same moment.

"What!? You can't be serious! It's the first time I meet my godchild and…" at those words, the orange clad Naruto looked perplexed.

"He's my godfather?"

"Ya harr." The Nidaime commented, "In my dimension he was already dead, but the Yondaime impersonated him every now and then."

"In mine too. And he did all he could to get me out of Konoha and back in Kumo. He's a good guy deep down at heart. If you bypass the smut, the ero, the pervert, the…"

"The peeping, the stalking, the crush never healed on Tsunade…"

"The fact that he left us to fend for ourselves, never came by, was more busy with…"

"I GOT IT!" Jiraiya yelled, "Are you here just to shamelessly bash me!?"

"No." The two Narutos replied, "although it might be funny to." Toruna commented.

"Although we have to admit that, out of the entire nonsensical thing that is the shinobi system, you at least had the excuse of having to work in highly dangerous locations for information and bringing a child behind was paramount to suicide. As well as having spies in dangerous places and the fact that you might have attracted attention on Naruto if you actually did bring him with you." The Nidaime coldly stated. "Still doesn't excuse the lack of letters or birthday gifts."

"Yeah, while your smut never defeated my Hiss Collection, it was still a nice thing to gift at bachelor parties." Toruna added his own two cents.

"Can I have a moment to say that I'm sorry I wasn't the best sensei?" Kakashi pointed out, before swiftly disappearing in a puff of smoke, carrying Sasuke away with him.

"Typical. Leaving me behind to deal with the mess." Naruto, the original one, sulked.

"Meh, try and look for him for once instead of expecting him to read your mind every second." Toruna replied, "He's a good guy. Deep down. If you remove…"

"We are not playing the 'if you remove' game any longer." Jiraiya stated. "Hey, you two are legal age to drink right?"

"I'm the Godaime," The Nidaime no Sairai commented, "Again I might add, so…I'm granting legal age to drink status to whoever has a forehead protector!"

As he yelled that out loud, Naruto, the orange clad one, suddenly found himself being hauled by Toruna's snakes towards the nearest bar.

"Hey! Let me go!"

"No-uh. We need to give you the second thing you need in order to grow!" Toruna nodded sagely as he said that.

"Yeah! Some sort of perverted debauchery!" The Nidaime added. "Like a quirk for twisted plots, evil laughter, vivisection."

"The good kind of perversion. Not the bad one like peeping or being generally silly." Toruna added.

"Yup. Something that makes people look and say 'omg he's badass let me have your babies!' Like Sasuke you know, he's got that scary cold aura of emoness that works." The Nidaime no Sairai stated.

"Or Kakashi's switch personality where he becomes a cold blooded murderer the moment he sees someone menacing his teammates."

"Or Jiraiya's seriousness in exterminating even his ex-student if it's for the good of Konoha."

"And what about Anko's possessiveness?"

"Or Kushina's Yanderism?"

"Did I mention the Yondaime's thrive for power?"

"Danzo's corruption?"

"Keeping a promise even when extremely unhealthy to the world itself?"

"Using your own daughter as part of a plot, and also your most precious students?"

"…that's harsh." Jiraiya commented.

"Hey, it's in the past." The Nidaime no Sairai replied.

It was then that the three realized something important: Naruto had disappeared.

"Well…now what do we do?" Toruna queried.

"Hum…the responsible thing would be to look for him." Jiraiya pointed out, "But aren't we overdue for the bar?"

"Never went to a bar," Toruna noted as the Nidaime no Sairai nodded too.

"Me neither."

"…We have to pop the cherry of alcoholism don't we?" Jiraiya was positively smiling when he said that, and somehow, that evil glint and laughter of maniacal doom didn't bode well with the two others.

Meanwhile, Naruto was huddled in a corner of his apartment, desperately trying to remove from his head all the things he had heard. He had always dreamed of having his parents alive, but after hearing the other two…

He decided to create a new god. The god of orphans. He'd venerate him on the off chance that in truth his parents hadn't died and were hiding somewhere waiting to come back for him.

He just…he just couldn't risk it being the truth.

It was then that someone knocked at his door.

Slowly, he moved to open it and stopped still.

Long red hair, violet eyes and a light smile coming from a woman that looked so eerily similar to him.

"…No." and then he screamed as he dashed off the other side of the apartment, carving a wall through it as he made his drastic escape.

"That was evil Nida-chan!" Jiraiya, completely drunk, muttered from the side of the door.

The 'Kushina' merely reassumed his normal form of the Nidaime no Sairai, before shrugging.

"I shay we can shet the world on fire tonight! HIC! Firsht however we musht…we musht…"

"Find the golden fish…right?" Toruna pointed out.

"Did he try shmoking that shtuff?"

"Hic."

And the three fell face ahead inside Naruto's apartment.

Drunk to oblivion.

**Author's note**

**I think I was actually tempted into putting a live Kushina and Minato (However taken from Canon completely) just to mess with the canon Naruto.**

…

**I'm thinking about doing it nevertheless.**


	3. Planning, Executing, Ending

Two Narutos meet canon 3

After having calmed down Naruto, telling him that no, no Kushina or Minato were looking for him, things went pretty smoothly around Konoha. If one could count a sudden increase in the academy curriculum, the appearance of forehead protector kunai-wielding snakes, the increase in militarization and the sudden deaths of half of the main Hyuga clan house as smooth. That and the disappearance of the caged bird seal.

Neji drunk himself to oblivion and woke up the next day with a very flushed Ten-Ten. But that's another story altogether.

The Godaime Naruto Senju frowned for a moment, sitting at his desk as a new mission came right in to be valued.

To escort a bridge builder back to his village and protect him from bandits. At the same time overseeing the construction site until it was finished.

It was a long term mission, but shouldn't have gone further than C-rank.

A pity the Nidaime no Sairai wasn't one with a leaky memory.

"Well…The right thing to do would be to send this off as a B-rank or A-rank, then again this is another dimension, so maybe nothing strange is going to happen?"

The sudden whistling noise coming from the other half of his clones, currently busy doing the paperwork, meant nothing to his ears. He just knew who'd end up getting the mission.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, in the training ground of Team Seven, Sakura was staring love-eyed at Sasuke training with Kakashi, while Naruto was currently debating how being tail-slapped by a snake double his size counted as 'getting the idiocy out of his system'.

"Tail slap, tail slap! What'cha gonna do when I come for you!?" The snake was positively gleeful as he chuckled. The fact Naruto was screaming and crying meant nothing. He just kept it up.

"The first stage is a heavy trauma." Toruna pointed out to Sakura, having appeared right next to her. Considering the girl had been pretty much ignoring everything but a sweating Sasuke, it startled her. The only reason she didn't snap at him like she did with the normal Naruto was because Toruna was bigger than her, and positively scarier.

"Eh?"

"Well yes." Toruna continued, as he pointed over to Naruto, who was still getting back up with a thoroughly beaten face. "You see, growth can only come from pain."

Somewhere an Akatsuki leader sneezed.

"The greatest changes come after being thoroughly through a suffering…"

Pain and Tobi sneezed, soon followed by half the shinobi population.

"I think there's an epidemic going on." Kakashi muttered, as he drove a fist into Sasuke's guts.

"Anyway, the problem with Naruto's idiocy is that he didn't suffer enough!" Toruna pointed out. "I mean, I got training in Root, loss of humanity, torture, and mind-breaking pain! My other self instead was thrown out by his loving family, used and his trust abused to the point of breaking down! This Naruto instead…he was just ignored! It's not good enough! He needs more angst to fully bloom!" Toruna slowly inched closer to whisper something to Sakura's ears, "and the female love seeing a poor little battered to an inch of life chibi look at them with pleading eyes. I have seen things…here, look: There's Kurenai over there hiding in a bush, already taking pity on the severe beating."

The snake sage commented letting his eyes wonder to, well, the entirety of the kunoichi population that was currently watching Naruto being smashed on the ground repeatedly.

"You see, Sasuke getting beaten up? That's just Karma for being an asshole." Toruna spoke once more, "Naruto being beaten up? He looks like a wet dog that needs a hug."

Even Sakura was now seeing the differences. Sasuke's face was gruff, stern, and closer to an angry scowl. Naruto's was instead slowly morphing from the normal 'angry' face of being beaten to a more…sad one, a sort of melancholic one that bordered on the teary eyed face of a kicked puppy.

"Right about now he's thinking that he can't do it. He can't defeat him." Toruna added quietly, "He's saying: me Hokage? Bullshit. Can't defeat the snake. Can't defeat anyone. My two other selves are more powerful than me. I'm not. I should have been more serious. I'm making myself look like an idiot in front of Sakura-chan. Kakashi doesn't train me. Nobody loves me." As he spoke quietly, Sakura was teary eyed…as the Kunoichi population was too, considering they could pretty much hear him…being behind them in the bushes.

"Maybe I should just lay down on the ground and die…but no: I have to prove to the world what I am. I might be defeated for once, I might not be undefeatable, but I'll try again tomorrow, yeah…tomorrow." Toruna gently whispered as the 'training' snake delivered one lash tail lashing that sent Naruto on the ground breathing harshly.

"And then look. His breathing becomes more even. The orange becomes less awesome and…"

Naruto looked at the sky, the peerless blue sky up above his head as he lay there panting and breathing raggedly. He had tried his best, and the snake had come against him. He hadn't only been defeated, no. The snake had shown him every single thing he had being doing wrong. Every hole in the defense, every idiocy, every single act was poured straight ahead in him as the snake spoke directly in his brain. All of his moves and actions up till then had been analyzed and belittled. Belittled by showing how he could have really earned the support of others instead of pranking, of how he could have been recognized by studying instead of sleeping.

He was showed his true potential…and Naruto shivered.

He didn't know when it happened, but Naruto quietly got up, bowed to the snake, and then left in silence with his eyes downcast and making a tiny little sniffle as he left.

The Kunoichi behind the bush all began to tear and sob before dispersing in quick shunshin.

"And by tomorrow, he'll be changed." Toruna finished with a knowing nod, as Sakura was crying silently over the fate of his teammate, "No more childishness, no more yelling…a new Naruto, a better one."

"Do you know what I just did?" Toruna queried with a little gentle smile a few seconds later as Sakura nodded her head in reply.

"You…You made him grow and become a shinobi?"

"I actually gave him a Harem, but that too." And with that reply, Sakura face-planted on the ground so hard that her forehead resonated with the dirt, creating a rupture on the ground that engulfed Sasuke. Said Uchiha yelled as he ended up being thrown into the crevice, his words being a mixture of 'ITACHI' and 'DOBE' curses.

Meanwhile, Tsunade Senju was currently coming to terms with the fact that, sitting on the gambling slot next to her, stood the Sandaime, dressed in a Hawaii Shirt, a flower neck rope around him, and two blond bombshells on his lap.

"After my wife's death I was so swarmed with paperwork that I couldn't even find another love!" He lamented with tears falling down of his eyes. The two women merely 'awed' for the sad old man that was such a good sport, rich, and that offered them entertainment.

"You know, I was called the Professor for…"

"SENSEI!" Tsunade roared, scaring off the two bird-brains on the elder man's lap, "Please! If this is some sort of horrid shitty trick to get me to become Godaime, by ruining my fun in a casino, then please stop it! I'm not going back to Konoha!"

"Oh hello there Tsunade! You know you should have adopted Naruto-kun? Now he's the Godaime in your place! AhhhhH!" Hiruzen exclaimed satisfied, "I'm retired! I'm RETIRED! I'm out of business, free like a bird! I sting like a bee though, so come here pretty little flowers!" As the Sandaime actually stood up and moved to leave, Tsunade stopped for a second.

"Wait. Sensei! Naruto shouldn't be more than twelve! You can't have made him Hokage at twelve!" As the blond woman screeched that, Hiruzen wasn't listening, instead moving in a 'swag' series of moves towards the bar…wiggling his eyebrows.

Tsunade had already decided she'd forget everything about this by having a triple alcohol poisoning sickness in the following hour.

Hiruzen made a 'hip' gesture.

Scratch that, Tsunade was getting drunk on the instant.

"And that's when they came to Konoha! Man! Two Minatos reborn I tell you!" Hiruzen was positively drunk by the time she reached him. Leave it to the man to know how to get drunk in less than five second.

"Sensei, you aren't making any sense…" Tsunade pointed out. Okay, if this was a plan to get her back to Konoha, it was kind of working…if only for the safety of her sensei. "Who did you leave in your place, sensei? And don't tell me Naruto. He's a kid last I checked."

"A Naruto from another dimension!" Hiruzen cheerfully said as he raised his glass, "Bless you Kami! Thank you! Naruto Senju, Godaime Hokage of Konoha! Thank you so much!" He even had tears in his eyes. Tears!

"I'm free of paperwork, paperwork no more! I'm freeeeee so much freedom!"

"Sensei. You became senile." Tsunade deadpanned. "I'm pretty sure Naruto's father wasn't a Senju."

"That's why the You from the other dimension adopted him!" Hiruzen pointed out, "They were both alive and made you his godmother! And when they left him, you adopted him!" The man actually stood up once more, winking with his right eye.

"Don't believe me? Go and have a look! I'm off to the Land of the Moon! But before…" moving to another pretty young woman. "Hey girl! Do you want to see my Earth Dragon!?"

"PERVERT!"

"No! Doryūdan!" As a giant earth dragon emerged from the ground, making the Sandaime stand on top of it with the pretty woman in his arms, he yelled to the skies. "Hahahahaha! My Earth dragon is massive isn't it!?"

"Note to self…" Tsunade muttered, looking through the hole in the ceiling, from which the Sandaime had apparently disappeared through, "Never, ever, let the Sandaime get drunk again."

As that small snippet of normal madness went on, somewhere else, more precisely in Sound, happened.

"Orochimaru-sama," a Sound Nin whispered, "It appears Konoha has changed its Hokage."

"Oh, the old fool left his spot? Did Kakashi Hatake take it? Kukuku…how amusing." The snake sannin chuckled, before looking at the pale face of the messenger.

"Orochimaru-sama…Naruto Senju has taken control of Konoha and…he has…he…" Suddenly the man jerked violently, before standing upright with twin blue flames erupting from his eyes.

"And he has a mastery of the Edo Tensei Jutsu! And guess what! I know how to use it!" The man detonated. At point blank range Orochimaru could still evade the technique.

The man detonated a second later.

It detonated again.

And again.

And again.

Again and again and again and again.

In the end, Orochimaru was killed. By an Edo Tensei summoned nameless sound shinobi being told to detonate after carving on the skin Explosive Tags.

That's how you win wars. Not with ridiculously overpowered and ultra-complicated plans of doom that involve machinations upon machination and carefully selected things to happen. Just spamming Edo Tensei's explosions works…but it isn't as tension filling and liking as doing machinations is. Isn't it?

Meanwhile, back in Konoha, Ayame was currently fending off an outright invasion of women that were trying, in various ways, to get a spot next to Naruto and his usual 'therapy ramen' session. Just as Naruto, sniffling and with tears brimming his incredibly wide blue eyes was about to order, Teuchi came in with a sad face.

"I'm sorry Naruto." The old man began, "Hokage orders…I can't feed you any more ramen…forever."

Naruto stilled. For a second he said nothing.

Then, quietly, he stood up and left.

A set of furious fires of doom suddenly appeared in the Kunoichis eyes, some particularly furious settled on the Hokage's tower, while a couple went to the ramen stall owner. Those few changed quickly, because Ayame was outright gaping at her father with…not even a promise of murder, but already with the knife in hand.

"Hokage's orders!" Teuchi exclaimed raising his hands in a surrender pose.

"He made Naru-chan cry!" Anko exclaimed, only to be followed by Kurenai.

"That poor boy…he just tingles all my maternal instincts you know?"

A set of nods echoed through the assembled female crowd, before they all turned to move as one to try and console the boy.

"Anyone saw where he went?" A female asked, worry lacing her voice.

And when none answered, the 'as one' became a flurry of panicking women hoping the boy wasn't trying to commit suicide.

The Nidaime no Sairai meanwhile whistled from his spot atop a nearby building.

"Massive Hormone unbalancing medical Jutsu? Done…Tobirama…what a Genius of evil you were!" As the grey haired man chuckled darkly, dark darkening dark clouds of darkness darkened the darky dark atmosphere of the dark apartment where a in the dark Naruto was slowly turning less 'bright' and more 'broken' by the second.

In his mind, he was looking with dead eyes at the Kyuubi, and at his seal.

Slowly, he moved his hand to free the beast.

The Kyuubi watched carefully said motion with perplexity, before receiving the input on what just had brought the boy to do that.

Just as Naruto was about to remove it, the paw of the Kyuubi stopped him at the same time as the Ghost of Minato did.

"Naruto, you shouldn't…Kyuubi!? You're stopping him too!?" Minato's chakra remains exclaimed in shock, as the Kyuubi snorted.

"LIKE HELL I'M GOING OUT THERE WITH THOSE PSYCHOS!" He roared, "I'm staying here. Thanks but no thanks!"

"Ehm…well…what's the problem…son?" Minato tried sounding apologetic, as he looked at the extremely dead eyes of Naruto staring at him.

"They…" He murmured.

"They who?"

"My other selves." He added, "They hit me. Tortured me. Hit me again. And…and…" His voice choked, "They took away my RAMEN!" As he began to wail and cry, Minato was at a loss.

Slowly and embarrassingly, he hugged the boy carefully. Patting his back he began to lull him a light lullaby.

"Can't I….you know…just let it go?" He whispered.

"Son…I'm afraid I can't let you do that."  
"Yeah boy, I can't too!" The Kyuubi pointed out, "I mean, the other two turned out pretty cool you know? And I got the Emo one? Come on, transform! Take out the awesome in you! Evolve! Digi-evolve! Make a Fusion! Move to the next level! Use the Awesome-Axe-Effect!"

"I…I know." Naruto whispered, slowly nodding to himself.

"I'll change." The boy added, "I'll become…serious. I'll train really, really hard!"

As Minato and the Kyuubi nodded, Naruto added later on.

"Then I'll become Hokage. I'll fight tooth and nail without a single smile and happy cheesy line on friendship and friends and love and family."

The Kyuubi nodded, Minato was trying to say something but couldn't because the boy was still speaking.

"I'll kill my enemies and avenge the people of the village who will die, I'll kill those who bully me and feast upon their flesh and drink from their bodies their crimson blood!"

The Kyuubi was completely ecstatic at this point, nodding frantically while Minato was a bit green.

"Then with the newfound power of Awesome I'll become Hokage through sweat and blood!"

Minato kind-of nodded at this while the Kyuubi snorted.

"And then, when they'll ask me why I made it this far, I'll say only one thing!"

Both looked at him curiously in wait.

"I did this…"

_Years later_

Standing on the balcony, as the Rokudaime Hokage of Konoha, Naruto Uzumaki waved at the crowd of Konoha citizenry, half of which was made up of his spawn, the other half of his wives, and somewhere in between the few families made by people who he couldn't charm his way or that had male children.

"And if I came this far, I know the reason! If I came this far and brought me up above all the others and fought for the title, it is for a single reason! And that reason is…"

A deep breath from the Hokage.

"RAMEN!"

Cue massive face-plant.

"I hereby annul the law saying I can't have ramen! Now if you will excuse me, I've got years of ramen intake to take into my body." The man added, before disappearing in a flash of thunder.

Courtesy of a mastered Hiraishin, because he could.

Meanwhile, back in their dimensions, the other two Narutos felt a light shivering sensation, before both looked out of the window and groaned.

Nidaime no Sairai Naruto looked at the orange and black clad teenager with blond hair and cerulean eyes known as 'Cannon-Teenager' Naruto, who was actually standing on top of a phone pole looking over the village. Something about 'yelling at the village he was back'.

Toruna Naruto received instead a letter claiming a strange 'Onii-san' look alike had arrived in Konoha's village, and seeing the incredible resemblance with Minato, Kushina had a rebound and was now actively fighting for him tooth and nail against Katsumi.

Kakashi was asking for advice on the matter through the letter, saying he could always 'Kamui' them to the other corner of the world if things came to a drastic problem.

All in all, however…

The tales of Multiverse and Multidimensions came to an end here.

The best wine is the one in the small keg.

"Pst: It's bottle. Wine in the small bottle." A voice hissed to the Narrator.

"Shut it Kuro, I'm trying to write!" The Narrator whispered back with clenched teeth.

"I'm just saying, you know, the wine is in the small bottle. Why can't there be a good wine in a giant keg is out of my understanding but still…"

"Kuro, get back in the story. Stop harassing me." The Narrator pointed out to the screen, as the black snake rolled his blue eyes before slithering through it.

"Oh, by the way! The Twisted Reality has started, so this story can come to an end safely here!" Kuro exclaimed, "And I already made an appearance together with Yoru! (Course they probably didn't see me)"

"Changed yourself to a more 'normal' approach."

"Yeah yeah Almighty Author 'Tm'"

"Well, enough breaking the fourth wall! Story's off and finished!"

And with that, the end came as the final words were written.

_**The End.**_

**Author's notes.**

**And it's done.**

**Never liked to keep stories 'hanging' If I can finish one, then I do so.**

**(hope you enjoyed this last chapter)**


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